Frenetic Cadence
by Dominus23
Summary: Riku used to live in Destiny Islands but the rumors forced his mom to relocate them. Now Riku has decided to move back. Will Sora, Roxas, & Axel finally tell him what's been going on? Songfic Rated M for masturbation/language/Abuse. Yaoi. SoRiku
1. Prologue Day One

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Kingdom Hearts or anything in relation. I do not own anything associated with Otep that will be featured in future chapters.

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[Riku on the phone] _"Well, Axel I just don't think I can handle staying here any longer."_

_"Yeah that's what I was thinking. I am actually planning on moving back to Destiny Islands…" _I said as I walked over and put the bathroom towels in a box.

"_No, I don't think it's a big move. I'm just sick of living here in Hollow Bastian. Yeah I will miss Leon and them, but I miss the gang more. Yah know?"_

"_Plus, my mother has just reached the point of unbearable. So she called me last night to say goodnight and-"_

"_Yeah"_

"_Uh-huh."_ Axel can be a big talker when he wants to be.

"_And yeah I told her that that was unacceptable. That she can call when it's necessary. I'm not a child anymore, and she needs to recognize that I am grown up."_

"_Well for the most part okay! I know I still act like a child okay, but your waaayy worse than me man!"_

"_Ha-Ha yeah. Well you think it's okay if I move back right even after 6 years?"_

"_Oh okay good! I was just a bit worried for a second."_

"_Well that's the funny thing… I'm almost done packing now. I've called the apartment complex there and I've paid the initial fee and everything. So I'm moving in on Tuesday."_

Axel then screams into the phone and I have to pull it away in order to keep my ear from hurting.

"_Yeah well I knew you would be okay with it and I figured the sooner the better."_

"_I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away but I wanted it to be a surprise and I didn't want anyone to talk me out of it."_

"_Well I'm glad your excited! And yes it will be great! And no I haven't told my mother…yet."_

"_I was planning on telling her when I got there so she couldn't come over and try and force me to stay."_

"_Ha-ha yeah I told her to call me on Saturday."_

"_Oh okay. Yeah I should probably finish packing the last bit of stuff. I will talk to you soon. Okay Bye." _

I hung up the phone and took a breath. Just one more day left and I will be out of here. I laid down on my empty bed. I already packed most of my blankets and took apart my bed frame. It feels like a ghost town in here.. I leaned over and grabbed the photo on my nightstand, and absentmindedly rubbed my thumb over the image. It was the last, umm, picture of.. of.. Sora and I.. I remember that day very well because it was perfect and yet it was the day before one of the worst days of my life…

We had been sitting on this metal park bench 3 years ago in Hollow Bastian Central Park, and this woman had come up to us and had taken our picture. I hadn't even realized it. After she had taken the picture she had apologized and said that she had to take the picture because if she hadn't, an important moment would've "fluttered away". She told us that she would send me a picture and asked for my address. Sadly, Sora had left before he got to see the photo. She sent me the photo a week later. I was shocked when I opened up the envelope to find this random photograph. It came back after a few minutes of trying to remember something I had wanted to forget. The picture was of Sora appearing to be looking at his hand on the bench, and biting his lip. His face was angled away from me but enough where his eyelashes had caught the sun and you could slightly see the blue of his eyes. Then next to him in the photo, I was sitting forward with one arm resting on my knee and the other sitting on the bench between my leg and Sora's hand. The thing that really got to me (after of course how Sora looked) was how I was looking at him; Like he was the only person in the park. I just had this look of wanting to move my hand onto Soras, of longing and.. Love.. I remember wanting to take Sora's hand and just ask him never to leave. Of course that isn't what happened. It never probably would happen. I just don't understand why he left like he did..

I looked up out of my thoughts and grabbed the phone. I starting typing in Sora's number and stopped. I've been doing this all week. I wish I could just pick up the phone and call him like I used to be able to. But things are different now. I'm different, he is different and I just can't talk to him without being nervous. Besides he wouldn't answer anyway. I've tried and now I've given up on trying to call him. If he didn't answer those two weeks then he isn't going to answer now. I just can't get up the nerve to call him and tell him I coming back. Partly because I think he won't care and the other being that I would rather let him know when I see him.

It actually didn't take me very long to pack up I confess. I sold most of my things. If I am going to start fresh, I really want to start FRESH. All this furniture my mother had picked out but now I want things that she didn't want. I'm sick of being told what to do. It's just what I was saying to Axel, I am not a little kid anymore. It is time to start officially living on my own (I already do now but my mother tends to come over almost everyday). It is time to start my freedom. It is time to win back Sora.


	2. Day Three

**Thanks for all the visitors of my story! I hope you enjoyed reading even though it was just a prologue. Sorry it took a while to write this chapter thingy. **

**Disclaimer: **I sadly do not own Kingdom Hearts or the songs by Otep I will be using in the future chapters. I do not own Linger By: The Cranberries either.

Rated **M** for Masturbation (which is to happen eventually), sensual language, and profane language (or swearing).

On to the story!

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**Day Three:**

I'm finally on the ferry to Destiny Islands after a long two days of getting all of my plans in order. It took forever to just get out of the going away party Yuffie and Aerith threw for me. Yuffie kept trying to sneak booze into my Mountain Dew but Aerith and Leon finally made her stop. I mean yeah I would have drank but I really didn't want to move in with a hangover. That would really suck. I don't think I could handle this Destiny Islands sun. I kind of wish they wouldn't have thrown me a going away party. It kind of makes me feel guilty for leaving. My heart is set on this. Maybe not my head but I remember learning to trust your heart more than anything in the third grade. Yeah another of my cheesy thoughts. Sora used to tell me how cheesy I was all the time. I guess I just got it from my dad. He was always the hopeless romantic but he passed away when I was 11... Ever since he died it's like everything is different. It's like a part of me died along with him and my mother was just never the same. She developed this irrational safe-net with me and she just stopped smiling as often. She grew a lot older in those first two years after his cancer spread and finally took over. I remember when he first told me that he had kidney cancer, I didn't know what it was. I was 10 after all. He tried explaining it to me by injecting a raw chicken breast as in example to his kidney with green food coloring and the slow tinting just burned itself into my eyes. The dark color filling up the chicken and then just completely encompassing its entirety. My dad was always smiling through all the bad things and lived life to his fullest even with his cancer.. But when he saw me just standing there staring, the effort of an actual smile just couldn't appear. His eyes scrunched up and the dark rings around his eyes were so prominent. The sadness just spread throughout the room. I began to slowly cry and he pulled me into his crisp, white collared shirt. Tears soaking it where my face was pressed. I didn't know what cancer was, but I knew that it was eventually going to overcome him. He tried to tell me that there were doctors who were trying to fix him but that didn't help the pain, it just gave you something to hold on to. Soon he started to get tired easily and his hair started to fall out due to the radiation. Our weekend trips to the movies stopped, our weekly boat races stopped, he even stopped coming into my bedroom to read me stories. Eventually all my father could do was lay there. My mother just became a zombie and either sat by my father's side or sat staring out the window. We had to hire a caretaker so I wouldn't go hungry and so someone could tell my mother to sleep. Due to the misery that was my house, I spent a lot of time over at Axels and sat on the beach. Sora would meet me in our tree house where sometimes I slept with him lying next to me. We both were miserable those nights but together we could handle everything. Sora was my best friend next to Axel. With Sora I didn't have to talk, I could just lay there and he would understand and vice versa. We both knew there were things we didn't want to talk about Except now I know Sora's problems were much worse.. I'm not saying that my dad's death wasn't terrible, I'm just saying that at least my dad cared and loved me. He even loved Sora. Sora was his favorite person because Sora always lit up the room on the rainiest of days. Sora was so devastated when my father died a year later. Everyone was devastated. He was loved by many people. My mother was the never the same. Ever. She became cold and distant, and began to go to church twice a week. She would be in the confessional every time anything bad happened and she began to stop wanting me to hang out with Sora and Axel. Axel because he was the town troublemaker and Sora because he reminded her of dad. Obviously I didn't listen. I wasn't going to stop hanging out with my friends who've been with me through everything just for little stupid things. Fuck her and her misery. God why do you have to fuck up everything? If my dad hadn't of died we would all be on a good track right now. I wouldn't be on this boat on my way to Destiny Islands, I would already be there and happy… hopefully. That's how it all plays out in my head anyway.

The air here smells fresh, the breeze is never too cold either. I just feel like I could jump into the ocean and just float away. I'm definitely going to go swimming tomorrow. Why not just take a day off and go visit all of my old hang outs? I wonder how much has changed since I've left…

Standing on the shore I spot a familiar set of vibrant red spikes coming my way…fast.

"Oh shit!" I yelled as Axel tackled me to the ground, "Ha-ha nice to see you too Axel! Now get off of me!"

"Riku! It feels like forever since I've seen you last," Axel said as he stood up and dusted himself off. We grabbed my stuff and Axel directed the helpers who were carrying my mattress to the car.

"Ha-ha yeah it has! But now you will probably see me now more than you want to. Seeing as I live here now and all. Where is Roxas?"

"He is at work. He told me to tell you he is sorry he couldn't make it and to say hey because he won't be seeing you till Thursday." Axel looked down at his feet. This is odd because usually Axel is that in-your-face type of person.

"Oh. Why won't I be seeing him today? Isn't he meeting us at my new place?" I asked confused. Axel looked up at me.

"Uh well the thing about that is.. we are meeting up with Sora at Paupu Café later," Axel went back to studying his shoes, "We figured you wouldn't want to go seeing as it wouldn't be very ideal as your first time seeing Sora. Plus, I don't think he would appreciate it. I'm not going to tell him you're here though, that's your job."

I just looked down and sighed.

"I can't do it Axel. I don't think I will be able to call and just be all, Hey Sora! Guess what? I'm here on the island and I'm living here now! Want to hang out and reminisce over the past two years since we saw each other last and about the 4 years before that? Fat chance. If I called him he wouldn't answer or he would scream at me. So the only way to tell him is for him to see me. I was kind of planning on actually planning it out or think up something to say. Possibly even buy some armor just in case he attacks me, I know I would. Plus, I don't think you two are going to want to be there," I just looked at him with my eyebrow raised and sighed. I can't believe it's this hard just to talk to Sora. One thing I know about Sora though is that he can't help but pick a fight or get defensive. I just pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath.

"Well Riks we better get going. I wanna see this house of yours and we can continue talking in the car." I looked up, and noticed the cherry red Nissan Versa.

"Whoa, Axel where did this beast come from?"

"My mom decided my car was a death trap so she bought it for me. I miss my car, Roxas and I had so many memories in it. I remember the first time we had sex in it, he totally-"

"Shut it Axel. I don't want to hear your sick stories!" I said as I stuffed my luggage in the trunk. We then began to tie my mattress to the roof. Axels car was small and the ends were hanging off. I brought just a little amount of personal items I needed for the night, some food, my guitar, a notebook and pen, my mattress, blankets and a pillow, and my easel, some charcoal, and some paints. I also brought my record player. I brought along with me some favorite records of mine. It was my moms when she was a rocker in the 80's. I'm still surprised it works. I've got two of my favorite records: The Sisters of Mercy- Floodlands, Bauhaus- Crackle, and many others including Scorpions, Motley Crue, Love and Rockets, Blue Oyster Cult, Cliff Richards, Pink Floyd, Gun Club, and some random romance records. My other things won't be coming till tomorrow. Something about the truck they were delivering it in having a bad day. I don't remember, all I remember is how they took off 25% of the price because of the inconvenience.

I opened the door of my new apartment to find a shocking cleanliness. This entryway looks like heaven compared to my old shit-hole but maybe that's just because Destiny Islands has cheaper housing compared to Hollow Bastian. This place is bigger and better than the apartment I just moved out of and it has lower rent. A smile instantly pasted itself on my face. This is great and my mom is no where in a 5 mile radius.

"Oh yeah Riku, where is the Charger?"

"The ferryman said they had to wait till tomorrow to transport it because they just had a people carrying ferry today." Yes I own a Dodge Charger and yes it is a 1970 Dodge Charger. It is the sexiest thing I've ever seen. (Except the naked human body of course.) It was my dads pride and joy and right before he passed away, he had signed it over to me on his will. He knew how much I loved to ride in it and help him work on it. Also, my mom had wanted me to have it. She loves her lame car. I don't even remember what her car is. I chuckled to myself and remembered the good old days. I miss those days when everything was so much simpler. Everything wasn't so hectic..

I walked into the kitchen and put the food in the fridge and cupboards. I grabbed my water bottle, a sandwich, and went back into the living room sitting down next to Axel on my mattress. Axel was plugging in the record player. I decided to go to the bathroom but soon the sounds of my beat up record player filled the apartment. I listened closer trying to figure out what song Axel put on. Then my eyes went wide, he had put in my The Cranberries record and he had chosen the song _Linger._

_[1] If you, if you could return  
Don't let it burn, don't let it fade  
I'm sure I'm not being rude_

_But it's just your attitude_  
_It's tearing me apart  
It's ruining everything_

I hurried and finished washing my hands and when I ran back into the living room Axel was looking at me with an evil smirk.

"Axel put this back," I glared at him. Oh please don't do this. He always finds something to make fun of me about.

_And I swore, I swore I would be true_

_And honey so did you  
So why were you holding her hand_

"So Riku why do you have a Cranberries album?" He continued to smirk at me and raise his eyebrow.

"That's none of your business," I quickly retorted. He grinned even wider if that was at all possible…

"Oooo Riku's a sappy girl! Come on Riku tell me! I know you and I know there is a reason behind this." I just looked at him, silently begging him not to make me say it.

_Is that the way we stand  
Were you lying all the time  
Was it just a game to you _

He continued to grin and I knew he wasn't giving in.

_But I'm in so deep  
You know I'm such a fool for you  
You got me wrapped around your finger_

Signing, I laid down on my bed next to Axel and reached over and took out a folder from my backpack. Pulling out some papers I handed them to him and I grabbed my guitar. Laying back I waiting for the confused look on Axels face.

_Do you have to let it linger?_

"Why do you have the sheet music for this song?" He looked at me confused and I began to play along with the song. I've been playing it for so long that I know it by heart. Axel raised an eyebrow and then I started to sing along to the song, closing my eyes.

_Oh, I thought the world of you  
I thought nothing could go wrong  
But I was wrong  
I was wrong  
If you, if you could get by  
Trying not to lie  
Things wouldn't be so confused  
And I wouldn't feel so used  
But you always really knew  
I just wanna be with you_

And I'm in so deep  
You know I'm such a fool for you  
You got me wrapped around your finger  
Do you have to let it linger

"Wow dude.. I'm guessing that this is how you feel about Sora?" Axel frowned and I opened my eyes and shrugged.

"Yeah kind of… Well.. Remember when he came to Hollow Bastian? Yeah well.. The day he left I was planning on singing/playing this song for him because..," I plucked a string letting it die out and sighed, "because it's his favorite song.."

I turned on the mattress and let my guitar lay on the floor. I laid my head on the side of the mattress, memories of that night flooding back. Sora left me without even saying goodbye. All he left was a note. I felt the bed shift.

"I'm sorry Riku…" Axel said sympathetically.

"And the funny thing is," I said angrily but making fun of myself. I turned to look at Axel. Tears began to develop and I repeated, "the funny thing is, is that now I can't stop playing the song over and over and over again. As if I have to make it perfect for him, as if he's going to fucken come back to me and I'm going to play this song for him," my voice was starting to crack and the tears started flooding over, and I turned back around to stare at the wall, "and he's going to fall in love with me."  
I began to sob, my shoulders shaking and I pressed my face into my pillow. I drew up my legs to my chest, and my right hand gripped the side of the bed. Axel leaned over and began to rub my back, whispering and telling me that it was okay. That I need to just let it out.

I opened my eyes to find my apartment empty. I groggily sat up and noticed that Axel had left and the evening sun was sinking low beyond the horizon. I don't remember falling asleep. The empty feeling in my stomach decided to grown in protest. I went to the kitchen to make some soup. I figured canned food was the way to go. Sitting down on my makeshift bed, I glanced longingly at the record player.

"Fucking fine. I will listen to it!" I put the needle back on and the sounds came drifting out of the beautiful machine. I'm not one for CD's but I do have a big collection, I just prefer the old sounds of the record player. I finished my soup and grabbed my guitar and my sheet music. The song restarted and I began to play, my fingers gliding over the strings by heart.

_If you, if you could return  
Don't let it burn, don't let it fade  
I'm sure I'm not being rude_

_But it's just your attitude_  
_It's tearing me apart  
It's ruining everything_

"FUCK FUCK!" I yelled and then began to sing louder and not in tune, as if I was yelling the lyrics to wherever Sora was.

_Were you lying all the time  
Was it just a game to you _

_And I'm in so deep  
You know I'm such a fool for you  
You got me wrapped around your finger  
Do you have to let it linger?_

_Do you have to, do you have to_

_Do you have to let it linger?_

_Oh, I thought the world of you  
I thought nothing could go wrong  
But I was wrong  
I was wrong  
If you, if you could get by  
Trying not to lie  
Things wouldn't be so confused  
And I wouldn't feel so used  
But you always really knew  
I just wanna be with you_

And I'm in so deep  
You know I'm such a fool for you  
You got me wrapped around your finger  
Do you have to let it linger

I then threw my guitar down on the mattress and scattered the sheet music. I stood up and clamped my hands over my ears. The lyrics revolving around my head and the images. The images scrolling across my mind, Sora smiling, Sora frowning, Sora crying, Sora , Sora, SORA! All fucking Sora! I ran over and ripped the record off the player but making sure I didn't break anything. I then threw the record at the wall shattering it but then realization hit me and I ran over, kneeling down and looked at what I had done.

"FUCK FUUUUCCCKKK," I slammed my fists down on the ground and clasped the carpet, "Fuck. I'm sorry. I'm just so sick of this. Sora I'm so sick of this why are you doing this to me."

I closed my eyes and the tears dripped on the carpet. I then started sobbing again and pressed my face into the ground, resting on my forearms. Sounds and drool coming out of my mouth and into the carpet.

"Fuck you. I'm so sick of this," Through all of my crying and throwing I didn't hear someone knock and come inside. I didn't hear them walk up into the living room entrance either.

"So sick of what?"

I shot my body up and turned around. Standing there looking oddly at me was Roxas. He then saw the shattered record and my puffy red eyes.

"Shit Roxas, don't sneak up on people like that. Especially if you're in their house," I relaxed and looked back down at the shattered record. I should probably clean this up…

I came back out of the kitchen after putting the shards in a bag. I remembered I didn't have my trashcan here. Roxas was by then sitting on my mattress where Axel had been sitting earlier that day. Wait, I thought Roxas wasn't coming over till Thursday?

**Roxas P.O.V.**

"So Roxas why are you here?"

"Oh. Well I can leave if you want." I got up and started walking toward the door.

"No Roxas, I didn't mean it like that. I was just wondering why you were here because Axel said I wasn't going to see you till Thursday."

I contemplated that and then went and sat back down on Riku's messy bed. "Well, Axel mentioned what happened… and I figured I would come over and see if you were okay."

He gave me a weak smile and sat down next to me, "I'm okay I guess. This Sora thing is just eating me alive. I don't know why he won't answer my calls or write me back the letters I sent or even the emails… All those pictures I made for him, and the pictures of me I took pretending he was next to me. He probably just threw them all away. Gah, I just don't know what his problem is or why he left. I don't know because he won't fucking answer the phone! I'm seriously so close to just saying fuck it completely. If he doesn't want to talk to me then I guess I will just stop trying to talk to him. I've already stopped the letters, the emails and the phone calls. The only thing I send now are little paintings and the occasional flowers but that's only like once every 3 months. I don't even know how I'm going to approach him. Any ideas? You know him best after all." I sat there contemplating, and habitually biting my lip.

"Well….," I started but I really don't know what to say to him. Axel's always better than me when it comes to finding something to say. It's not like I can tell him what Sora has told me, but there isn't much of that anyway. He keeps himself pretty sealed up and guarded. He won't let anyone into his head besides Riku and he isn't even talking to him. I just have to try and remember anything that Sora has done recently or something he's said. Hmm…

**[FLASHBACKS- Roxas thinking]**

"Sora I got your mail for yooouuu," I sing-songed as I closed the door of his apartment. I set my keys on the counter and heard quick shuffling coming from the area where Sora's bed is. I walked around the corner and over to the couch.

"Sora what are you doing? What is all that stuff?" I questioned, raising my eyebrow. Sora was on his bed trying to scoop up all the paper scattered around on the mattress. They all looked like letters and drawings and there was a box of photographs that had been dumped out. Wait, those are all of Riku's letters and stuff.

"Sora stop trying to hide them. I know what they are," he looked up at me and I smiled. Sora then just released the heap in his arms and signed heavily leaning back.

"Okkaay, ugh that made my arms hurt. Ha-ha, "Sora smiled and then closed his eyes, "So what I get in the mail? More adds for healthcare, tanning salons, and people pissed at me?" Sora smirked and laughed one of his usual laughs. I started to look through the bunch of mail in my hand.

"Let's see here. You got some junk, more junk, a letter from that stalker chick, even more junk, some junk, a letter from Riku, more junk- A letter from Riku!" Sora's eyes snapped open and in one move he jumped and lunged at me.

"AH!" I squealed as we both landed on the floor. Sora sat up on top of me and quickly grabbed the letter. He studied the front of it, which was a manila envelope with Riku's fancy swirled handwriting, and had a sticker of the Big Ben on it. It also appeared to have something bulky in it. Sora then proceeded to rip open the envelope then dump out all of the contents on my chest.

"Ugh Sora get off me!" I pushed Sora off me and the envelope contents onto the floor. I sat up and Sora was already up and inspecting. The contents included: three pictures, a letter, A 'Lucky Penny' Letter Opener, A ankle bracelet that had a London bus, Big Ben, a London flag and London Telephone Booth charms on it, A Botticelli Pill Box, and a pressed Rose. The pictures were of: Riku sitting on the grass in front of Big Ben painting with Leon chasing Yuffie in the background, Riku holding his finished painting and shaking a mans hand surrounded by a group of people, and a picture of Riku in front of a painting by Botticelli at the National Portrait Gallery.

"Whoa. This is a lot of stuff. I never knew he sent you this kind of stuff!" I looked up at Sora and his eyes were just glazed over, moving over the items along with his hand. He was little touching each item as if they could disappear any minute. He then picked up the letter and just stared at it.

"Well, aren't you going to open it? He even gave you a letter opener to open it with ha-ha…," I smiled at Sora and he took the letter opener and opened it. He than began to read the letter to me out-loud.

_Dear Sora, _

_As you can probably tell, at the time of writing this letter I was in Neverland but I am most likely back at my shitty apartment. Yuffie and Leon decided to come with me as you can see from one of the photos, and I came here because I was chosen to meet some people who wanted me to paint them a series of environment paintings around London. In the last photograph I am at the National Portrait Gallery and I wish you would've been with me because you would have loved it. It was just amazing looking at all the different styles of portraits and the whole time I was wishing that maybe someday I could have one of my paintings hung up on one of the walls. Hopefully even a painting of you.. Because everyone should see the beauty of you._

Sora began to start sniffling and I could tell he was beginning to cry.

_Sora I know you probably don't care to be reading this and will probably stop reading before you get to the end but I just hope I'm not wasted my time writing this. I hope the old Sora is still there and because I know the old Sora, I know that you always had to finish what you started. _

_Sora please, please just answer my phone calls. You could even answer the phone and not say anything and it will let me know I'm not completely at loss in the situation. Sora I miss you. No, Sora I fucking miss you. _

_I fucking miss you! _

_You don't understand_ _how you being silent like this is killing me. It's breaking my heart._

Sora lowered the letter and began to sob. His empty hand pressing into his cheek, as he began to slowly rock his body. I never know what to do when Sora gets like this but I am used to it by now sadly. Sora is very expressive because of what our father did to him. I just put my hand on his back and pulled him into my arms to let him know that I was here and that he's safe. He isn't safe from himself though and that's what worries me. He needs to get this issue with Riku absolved. Sora then pulled away and sniffled, wiping his eyes. He then began to read the note again.

_Sora without you I just can't seem to function. This last year has been ripping me apart. Why did you leave me like you did? Well, I would say that I would talk to you soon but I know I won't be…_

_Killing me softly, _

_Riku _

_p.s. I sent you the pill box because I noticed that yours was creaking_. _The rose is the national flower of Britain by the way. _

Sora closed his eyes and brought the paper up to his nose.

"It smells like him. He told me when we were little that his grandmother used to spray her love letters with perfume so her husband could smell it and feel like he was with her. So I figured it out one day when he accidentally soaked a corner of one of the letters, that he was spraying his too. It's like he's trying to let me feel like I'm with him so I'm not alone. I don't know how he does it… How he just knows me so well. How whenever I'm with him all of my problems fall away," Sora said looking down. He then stood up and grabbed one of the boxes on his bed, and sat down again.

"Then why don't you answer the phone when he calls or send him a letter back Sora," I asked as he started to place the items into the box except the pill box which he placed on the table behind him.

"Because I don't want him to fall in love with me but I can't tell him that because I don't want him to stop…"

Sora looked up at me and I saw the desperation in his eyes.

"Roxas tell Riku not to forget about me!", "Riku don't leave me!", "But I love you Riku…"

"Riku will never love me! I'm worthless! I'm fucking tainted! Riku deserves better than me…," Sora shouted and cried out as he slide to the floor, his back against the wall, "Roxas please don't tell Riku the reason I left was because I love him. Please don't."

(Age 10) "Dear God, I hope that one day it won't be wrong for me to like Riku. I hope that one day we can run away together and never come back. I promise you God, I will never love anyone more than Riku Tanada and I know it's wrong because daddy says so."

**[End of Flashbacks] **

"Well, maybe you could- Wait, what? Did you say you stopped sending him letters? And souvenirs?"

I looked at him with alarm and he just looked at his hands.

"Yeah.. He doesn't respond to them anyway and plus I'm probably just wasting my time and money. Why? And how do you know I sent him souvenirs?"

"Umm," I bit my lip. Ugh this is so hard! I can't tell him because Sora told me not to but how am I going to make him call Sora, "Well, I can't tell you okay. I'm sworn to secrecy and-" I just realized something. Sora accidentally left one of the items at my house today, it was a chain necklace with a crown hanging on it. He had left it on the kitchen counter while I gave him a neck rub, and I put it... in… my… hmmm… POCKET! I quickly stood up and Riku jumped a little at my sudden movement. I reached my hand into my pockets trying to find which one I left it in, and then I found it. I turned towards Riku and thrust my hand toward him.

**Riku P.O.V.**

I reached my hand out and took the thing dangling from Roxas' grasp. I looked in my hand and I was shocked. It was the Kingdom Hearts pendant I had bought Sora when I was in out shopping with Yuffie and Aerith. Hey, I was bored. They had mentioned that Valentines Day was coming up and that I needed to send Sora a valentine. I told them that the idea was ludicrous and that Valentines Day was just a holiday for stores so they could gain money but they had insisted. They dragged me to Mr. Scrooge's Amazing Jewels for Amazing Jewels store and told me that I had to get Sora a necklace and that he would love whatever I picked because it was simply from me. They even told me that this would definitely would make him come back to me or at least answer the phone. So I picked out this precise necklace because I just knew that he would like it and I mailed it to him with a poem. Then on Valentines Day I sent him a dozen red and white roses from Marluxia's Floral shop and five dozen pink daisies.

"Riku, you remember Valentines Day right?"

"Yes of course. I could never forget because you told me that Sora was freaking out at the amount of flowers outside his door. Plus, I remember how much I spent on this necklace for his and I wasn't even sure he was going to either keep it or pawn it."

"Well, if this helps at all, Sora was in a dreamy state all week. I just remember that he was cheerful for a week and it was great. I missed seeing my brother so happy, I almost had forgotten what it was like. I mean, I didn't even know why he was happy, I just knew he was and he had called me yelling up a storm about the amount of flowers you sent him and something about where he was going to put them all. I knew he was secretly fluttering inside though and that he cried when they started to wilt…" I looked up at Roxas smiling crookedly. This was great news! He actually kept the necklace! I now have to think of a great plan to intercept him and my move won't be for nothing. I jumped up and gave Roxas the necklace back but he wouldn't accept it.

"I want you to give it back to him Riku. I think he needs to get over the idea of letting you in. He needs you, everyone knows that but he's too stubborn to give in unless you personally make him. Don't let him try and fool you, and just be patient. He will come around." I smiled at Roxas and pulled him into a hug.

"Thanks Roxas, you're a great friend and brother," I was going to continue but Roxas' phone started to buzz against my area, "Umm, you going to answer that?"

"It's just Axel. I should probably get going so he doesn't come bursting through the door. I left him in the car ha-ha." I laughed and walked Roxas to the door.

"I'm serious Riku don't let my brothers stupidity blind you. Be careful with him. Oh and Riku, if you make him worse than he is, I will rip out your knee caps and choke you with them." Roxas gave me the scariest face I've ever seen.

"I won't! I won't! Don't hurt me," I shut the door and went to lay on my mattress. I was out almost as soon as I laid down.

* * *

Reviews are the magic word! Please, please review and that would help to know if you are enjoying the story or not enjoying it.

[1]- Linger- The Cranberries

Great song :P

Oh and if you have any suggestions I will think them through as to whether I will use them. :D But currently I have a vast idea of where the story is heading and you might want to stick around to find out!


	3. Day Four

**Frenetic Cadence**

**Summary: **Riku used to live in Destiny Islands but the rumors forced his mom to relocate them. Now Riku has decided to move back. Will Sora, Roxas, & Axel finally tell him what's been going on? Songfic Rated M for masturbation/language/Abuse. Yaoi. SoRiku

**Author's Notes:** I am so sorry for the wait! It has been one hefty summer!

**Disclaimer: **I sadly do not own Kingdom Hearts or the songs by Otep I will be using in the future chapters. I do not own Linger By: The Cranberries either.

Rated **M** for Masturbation, sensual language, profane language, and all the other juicy details.

* * *

******Day Four: **Why can't we just play nice?

**Riku P.O.V**

I woke up to someone pounding on my door and people yelling. I glanced at the clock; it was 8:23 a.m. in the morning! Ughhh, who the fuck is banging on my door this early! I rolled out of bed and changed into my usual outfit: black jeans and a black shirt but today I chose a Bauhaus shirt and made my way to the door. I opened the door, the sleep still evident in my body.

"Hey Riku!" Ugh, I am not ready for Axel this early!

"Hey. What are you doing here," I tiredly looked at him. I then peered out the door as a big thump rang out and saw movers wheeling boxes, "Oh." I opened the door all the way and stuck the doorstop into the bottom. As I organized everything into the side of the room, the movers started bringing in all of my belongings. I honestly do not have that many things because of getting rid of most of it like I said.

A couple hours later, everything was moved in and all I have to do is unpack. I really don't feel like unpacking today. There has to be something else to do… Hmm I could go explore. Yeah that's what I'm going to do; I am going to go see if anything has changed.

"Hey Axel, can you bring me to the docks? I need to pick up my car," I yelled to Axel from the kitchen.

"Yeah no problem man. Let's go."

I grabbed my jacket, my sunglasses, and the bag of swimming stuff I decided to bring.

_oOoOoOo_

Destiny Islands sure hasn't changed much since I've been here last. All the same, buildings are here with an exception of newly built buildings standing amongst them. They have definitely fixed a bunch of areas up like for instance the baseball field we used to play on, and the park was replaced with an improved one. It is a little sad because where the old swings used to be is where I met Sora.

**[Flashback]**

"_Riku why don't you go say hi to that little boy over there. He looks like he could use someone to play with." I looked up at my dads smiling face. I crossed my arms and frowned. _

"_I don't want to play with him. I want to play with Axel."_

"_Riku you know Axel can't play today, he is at his grandparent's house. Go on you might just make a new friend. You can't just play with the same person all the time; you have to make new friends." My dad smiled again cheerfully and turned me toward him._

"_No I don't want to play with him. He's weird. If I do everyone at school will make fun of me."_

"_That wasn't very nice Riku and because you said that, you have to go play with him or we won't go riding in the car tomorrow. Besides Riku, you look just as weird as he does!" I stick out my tongue at him and he just laughs._

"_Now go before I make up my mind." Ugh, stupid dad. I grumble as I walk over to the weird kid. _

"_Hey," I said harshly as I put my hands in my pockets. The kid doesn't even look up and he's holding a frumpy teddy bear. What a baby. I frown some more and turn to my dad. He just motions for me to go on._

"_Hey, you," and I push his shoe with my shoe, "What's your name?" He looks up at me and I step back with wide eyes. He has these huge blue eyes like an alien! He just sits there dumbly looking at me. He looks kind of scared or something. I make a goofy frowny face. _

"_I said, what's your name!" He looks down at his shoes._

"_Humph," I am about to walk away when I hear him mumble something._

"_What?" He just mumbles again, "I can't understand you when you mumble like that! Speak up!" I yell at him and begin to shake the swings chains hard. He is startled and falls off. He looks up at me with those bug eyes and he begins to cry._

"_I sed my name is Soorwa!" I sweat drop and bend down._

"_I'm saawwwryyy! I'm sawry! I didn't mean to knock you over!" I say loudly and I pull him up. He is short and looks up at me somewhat scared and his eyes are glistening from crying. He is holding his bear by the arm under his chin. He looks kind of cute. Wait, no! He looks like a baby! I scoff and cross my arms. _

"_You look like an alien." Then all of a sudden, he's hugging me. My eyes widen and I just stand there. Oh, god he's hugging me! I pull him off of me._

"_Ugh why did you just do that? Boys don't hug other boys! Only yucky girls do that!" I frown and close my eyes. He starts to giggle. What, what boy giggles! I open my eyes confused but the alien looks cute again. Ugh._

"_You! Sora creature! Stop your giggling at once!" I point at him and close my eyes ready for a prawclamaton, "Me the great all powerful Riku has done nothing funny. So stop your alien giggling!" He just giggles more and licks my finger. He. Licked. My. Finger. My eyes shoot open again and he smiles a toothy grin at me._

"_EWWW!" I yell as I try to wipe off my finger. He just smiles bigger… if possible. Then, amazingly, he grabs my hand. I stop moving and look at him. He looks at me with those wide eyes and smiles some more. That's when I push him down out of awkwardness and run. He just stands up and runs after me. _

"_Ku!" I turn but run some more and he chases, "We are going to be best fwends!"_

**[End of flashback]**

**_**oOoOoOo**_**

**Sora P.O.V**

"Sora where are you going?"

Oi… "I'm going to get us some fucken sea salt ice cream because you won't get your lazy ass up and do it!" I yelled back to him. Seriously, who does he think he is? He drags me here to the beach after countless refusals from me. I HATE THE BEACH! I told Roxas I was never coming here unless I was wasted or I was wasted and wanted to fuck. I hate the color of the stupid aquamarine water staring back at me like two eyes. I hate the big rocks the color of stupid silver and the sand crunches beneath my feet reminding me of rolling around in the sand. The sun is too bright here and it makes my skin "sun-kissed". Blehhh! I should have stayed home and watched Undead Wonderland or Dexter. Ugh stupid Roxas, stupid evil brothers with trickster eyes that suck your soul. Evil soul suckers. Stupid children always leaving their shit in my way I mumble as I crush a sandcastle with my combat boots. Screw annoying flip-flops that make those annoying sounds. Whap-Whap! They don't do anything anyways; you still get sand all over your feet. Brothers are so annoying. I was thinking to myself then all of a sudden I collide with something rather hard and my feet come out from under me. I hear someone "oomphing" and I'm all of a sudden laying in missionary position with two toned… arms… on each side of my head… I blink a few times as I slowly move my eyes up the arm, over strands of silvery hair… wait. Silver. Hair. I turn my eyes an inch to my right and I'm staring into two intense shocked aquamarine eyes. Riku… I must have fainted from too much sun exposure because I could have sworn Riku was not in Destiny Islands. He is in Radiant Garden. Hmm if this is a dream… I reach my hand up slowly and touch my fingers gently to his face and then into his hair. Just then, the tide comes rolling up and hits me in the face. If this were a dream, I wouldn't have seaweed in my mouth. Oh. My. God. I look up with wide then angry eyes to intense aquamarine ones and instinctively push the fucker off me. Screw ice cream, I'm getting Roxas and fucking leaving. Actually, screw him too! He probably planned this! I started running toward the car. Almost there!

"Sora where are you going?" Roxas questions as I begin grabbing my stuff.

"I'm going home asshole!" I spit back at him.

"Sora! Wait!" I turn and see Riku running up to me.

"Screw you Roxas, I don't have time to play your idiotic games. This isn't funny or cunning. You can wait for Axel!" I start to walk away mumbling how ridiculous this is but alas, Riku is faster than I am. He grabs my arm and all my stuff falls. Fuck!

"Sora! Ple-" and I turn around and deck him in the face.

"Who the fuck do you think you are!" Even more people have begun to stare at the scene before them. Great, free show. I start to pick up my stuff.

"Sora," Riku pleads as he holds his shirt to his nose, "Let me talk to you."

"Okay you have two seconds," I lift my wrist up to my face, "Oh times up." I grab the last of my stuff and start walking. Images of blood trickling down my face appear in my head. Fuck not this please!

"Come on Sora!" Riku growls as he lets his shirt drop and I see all the blood on his shirt. I shake my head to get rid of the ghastly thoughts trying to clog my brain. Therefore, he's going to be like that now all right. I can play this game.

"Fuck you." I continue to walk faster back to my car.

"Sora," Riku growls, "Stop being like this! You know I'm sorry. Why do you have to always fucking ignore me?"

"Save it Ri, I mean- fuck, I don't want to talk about this!" I start speed walking up and then over the grass. I hear Riku continue to follow me but I breathe out trying to keep myself calm. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Go away tears I don't want you right now. Not in front of Riku… As I get the piece of shit door open of my yellow 1978 ford pinto, Riku is dangerously close. Shoving my stuff inside I then hurry to the drivers side and fumble with my keys. Riku runs up and…

**Riku P.O.V**

I put my hand on the door trying to stop him from opening it. I don't even know why I'm doing this. He clearly doesn't want to talk to me, he barely even looks at me but I can't let him run away from me. I haven't seen him since that night he left.

"Get out of my way Riku!" Sora begs. Begs? He's now actually looking at me with those big sky blue eyes, and trying to push me away. His eyes are glassy and he looks like he's trying not to cry. A tear comes falling out and I automatically lift my hand up and wipe it off with my thumb. In that, moment I lose focus and Sora pushes me away from the door. Shit. Sora opens the door and jumps in. I hurry between him and the door.

"Sora stop, wait! Just let me fucking talk to you! Why don't you want to talk to me? What did I do to make you leave? What's wrong?" I look at him as he starts up the car, and I grab his hand.

"I'm sorry for whatever I did to you. Please just stop ignoring me! I didn't want to leave you! I had no choice; I was only 13 for Christ's sake!" My breathing is rapid and my heart feels like its going to jump out of my chest.

"My dad didn't give me a choice either Riku!" Sora says as he hits the accelerator and I jump away from the car. Sora slams the door as he speeds off. What the hell did he mean by that? I try to search my mind but all I come up with his a blank slate.

I walk back to where Roxas is and sit down on the low beach chair next to him. I presume Sora was sitting here but I drove him away. Roxas hands me a beer without looking up from his magazine.

"I see Sora didn't take your first meeting so well?" I crack open the beer and don't even care where it came from.

"Yeah… Of course, just like I expected. Although I wasn't necessarily planning on having that meeting here today at the beach," I frowned and took a swig, "Hell I was planning on calling him, buying some roses and showing up at his door. I was expecting wide eyes, angry frown, getting flowers thrown back in my face, then swearing and having the door slammed in my face. But hey, nothing better then running into him, literally, then chasing him and almost being run over." I take another swig and sign.

"Why are you two at the beach anyway? I heard Sora hates it here and I figured you would know I would probably come here." I look over at Roxas and he sets his magazine down.

"I didn't think he would give in so easily!" Roxas exclaims, "I usually have to bribe him with beer, candy, AND cigarettes!" I raise my eyebrow at him and point to the beer.

"Okay well I did use the beer bribe but he just looked at me and then sighed. I just really wanted to come to the beach and I wanted him to get out of the house. Plus I owed him for yesterday for canceling our plans to hang out." Roxas crosses his arms and squishes his eyebrows. Ha-ha typical Roxas but no one in their right mind would point that out to him except Axel. Yet again though Axel isn't exactly in his right mind… Well speak of the devil because here he comes.

**Sora P.O.V**

"Shit shit shit!" I say out loud, as I pull into the parking lot of my apartment building and park in my spot. I turn off the car and rest my head on the steering wheel. "I'm such a shithead. I can't believe I just did that!" I groan out and hit my head a few times against the wheel. I don't want to hurt Riku but he needs to understand that having me in his life will only hurt him more. I just don't understand why he is here.

"Ughh… stupid, stupid Riku," I pound my head some more against the steering wheel and I whisper to myself, "Just let me go." I just keep my head there and all of a sudden, there is someone knocking on my window.

"Holy shit!" I jump about three inches and look over to see Namine standing there. I roll down the window and Namine leans down.

"Hey Sora," she smiles, "What are you doing silly?" I roll up my window and grab my bag.

"Jesus Namine you scared the shit out of me!" I say as I exit my car.

"Ha-ha well you're the goofball whose sitting in their car," She does that cute face where she giggles while closing her eyes, "So what are you doing in there?"

"Oh nothing just thinking about idiots as usual," I sigh and follow her into the building, "What are you doing?" I look over at her.

"Just taking out the trash while waiting for Kairi to get home. So what idiot you thinking about today are there another certain someone who I should give a talking to?" She puts her hand on my shoulder and squeezes. She looks concerned as usual when I say things like this. We are standing in between our two apartments. That's how I met them, Kairi and her. Their cat followed me into my apartment one evening and Kairi had come screaming, "Snowflake! Snowflake you evil boy where have you gone this time!"

I sigh and mutter, "Riku Tanada," while rolling my eyes. I clasp and unclasp my hands nervously while shifting my feet. Namine always causes me to act out how I'm feeling. I don't know how she does it; it's as if she has this weird power to bring out someone's true feelings. She giggles again.

"Sora you know I can't understand you when you mumble like that silly! Now come in and we can have some tea and cookies. You can tell me all about this idiot who's got you all nervous!" Moreover, just like that I'm sitting on her white couch with a cup of steaming strawberry tea and two cookies shoved in my mouth. I can't resist a sweet, which is how it's always been because I could never eat them when I was a child. My mom would always try to sneak me some but dad would always find out and bad things happen when you crossed dad…

"So Sora," Namine says as she sits down across from me in her weird hanging bubble chair, "Who is it that is on your mind?" She sets down her cup and leans toward me.

I swallow the lump of cookies and exhale, "Riku…" My hand starts to shake so I put down my cup and continue to stare at my feet. Namine is quiet so I continued speaking.

"Roxas bribed me to go to the beach again and when I was being forced to go get us some sea salt ice cream, Riku umm- Riku literally ran into me. All of a sudden I'm laying in missionary position under these strong arms and his eyes were just boring into me," I just stared into the space in front of me not even noticing Namine watching me, "those deep, intense aquamarine eyes. I can never get away from them… They are always in my head," I say and put my hands in my hair, "I just don't understand." I start to cry without realizing it.

Namine starts thinking, "Hmm Riku… That name sounds familiar. Wasn't he that boy who left when we were 12?" Her eyes widen and she comes over as I start to cry harder.

"Oh Sora, it will be okay. Isn't it a good thing that he's back now? I thought you would be happy about this. He was your best friend and all... Plus, I'm pretty sure he really missed you," she smiles, "But why are you so sad? Did something happen earlier after you ran into him?" I look up at her through my blurry vision and she looks worried. Then I start to sob harder. What is wrong with me?

"I just kept pushing him away and he wouldn't leave me alone so I punched him in the face," I put my hands on my knees and head back, "and then I almost ran him over with my car!" I then put my face in my hands dramatically. Yeah I know but that's how I feel. I feel so ridiculous and stupid now that I told Namine what I did.

"You have to understand though Namine, he deserved it! After how he left me here to face my demons especially how he _knew _how I felt when he was gone. He knew I couldn't even handle him being gone for a week nonetheless 7 whole fucking years!"

"Well maybe you should talk to him. Maybe-" I cut her off.

"No I don't want to talk to him. If I can go two years and not return his phone calls then I can continue on doing it! He didn't even call to tell me he was coming here!" I exclaimed and stood up.

"Sora why would he call when you won't answer the phone anyway," She said more like a statement than a question, "I think your being a little ridiculous but if you want to go on this way then go ahead. There is obviously more to the story but I won't press you to tell me." I just look down at my shoes. Hmm shoes can get so interesting all of a sudden.

"I think I'm going to go and lay down for a bit." I say as I walk to the door, "Thanks for the tea and cookies Namine."

"Your welcome Sora. You know I'm always here to listen."

"Ughhh." I shut the door and slid to the floor. Why can't life just be normal for once? I sit there doing nothing for a bit then lock the door and walk to the living room/ bedroom area. I live in a studio apartment if you have not realized. Falling on my bed, I press my face into the pillow. Ugh, I need money… Looks like I'm calling Lexaeus. I find my house phone and dial his number.

"_The White Rabbit, This is Sweetheart speaking!" _

"_Hey, it's China Doll." _I got up and walked to my closet.

"_I'm so glad you called!" I raised my eyebrow as I bent down to look through the trunk in my closet. I keep all my clothes I don't want roxas to get uncomfortable around in here. Hence, why it seems like I don't have many clothes ha-ha. _

"_You are...?"_

"_Yes! You see Ruby stormed out earlier and Lexaeus said that if I didn't find someone else to dance to her songs then I would have to! Please please pleaaassee will you come in and dance Ruby's part! I know how much freewill Lex gives you and he would just love me for being able to get you to come in and dance!" _I chuckled to myself. This is all falling into my hands so easily. I love to tease her.

"_Well I dunno… I don't see what I would get out of it especially seeing, as I have always wanted to see you dance. I could always just come to watch in secrecy…"_ I looked at my nails as a Cheshire cat grin crossed my face.

"_Please Sora! I will give your favorite out of my stash! I know how much you crave pure substances." _My grin tweaked and I grabbed for my clothes.

"_You have a deal and you're welcome to join me of course at my place tonight."_

"_Sounds great I will see you in two hours!" _I hung up my phone and finished pulling on my black fishnets and then slipping into some pink pumps. In just a few hours, I will be sky high and Riku will most definitely be out of my mind just as Xion will be out of her clothes.

I stepped out into the night and pulled my fur-rimmed hood over my long pink wig.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Yet again, I am so very sorry for the long wait. So much stuff has been going on but even through all that I still have been obsessing over this story! I even have music picked out for certain parts of it haha. I will probably post the titles within the story so if you are in tune then you can play the song along with the story! :)

**Day Five Sneak-Peak!: **"Jeese mom what are they cleaning your room with, cat piss?"


	4. China Doll and Sweetheart EXPLICIT!

**Frenetic Cadence**

**Summary: **Riku used to live in Destiny Islands but the rumors forced his mom to relocate them. Now Riku has decided to move back. Will Sora, Roxas, & Axel finally tell him what's been going on? Songfic Rated M for masturbation/language/Abuse. Yaoi. Some Xion & Sora, SoRiku

**Author's Notes: IF YOU DO NOT LIKE SMUT DON'T READ!**

**Disclaimer: **I sadly do not own Kingdom Hearts or the songs by Otep I will be using in the future chapters. I do not own Linger By: The Cranberries either.

Rated **M** for Masturbation, sensual language, profane language, and all the other juicy details.

* * *

**Day Four: **An Evening of Sex, Drugs & Roxas screaming?

After Xion and I left The White Rabbit, we headed for her shitty car. Stumbling through the parking lot, we couldn't help all the stares in our direction and we both giggled like schoolgirls. I can only imagine the thoughts swirling around their heads. Two hot "girls" traipsing around, one in a bunny-turned-waitress outfit and the other in converse shoes covered by black jeans and an oversized ripped up Smiths tee shirt. I of course was the latter. No way was I going to wear silk underwear any longer after a night of soaking in dick sweat. My babies had to breathe too! I especially wasn't going to spend any more time in pink pumps when I was downing shots and snorting lines while waiting for Xion. I mean I can handle my uppers on stage when I'm dancing around wearing it off but not after snorting a bunch and drinking rum at the same time. You may think I am stupid in the first place, for even doing this shit but it's not as if I am going home to anything special. If I'm lucky, there might be a pissed off Roxas in my voicemail box. Did you notice my sarcasm there? Ha! As if I give a fuck anymore what he thinks, he's the one with the boyfriend whom he's probably going to marry and adopt kid(s) with. But me? I'm just the freak brother who get's raped by dad and has to learn to "deal with it" like it's a lost kitten. Well that's what my shrink basically says but not as blatant. I turn to Xion.

"Xion you're so pretty, why don't you have a boyfriend?" I tease her and put my hand on her thigh. She blushes and swats my hand away.

"Keep your hands off the driver you perve." I flash a grin at her, my sexiest grin I save for only her. Well, that's what she thinks anyway. I'm really not that selfish, I was kidding. She knows how I enjoy fooling around, and she knows it's because I was exposed to it when I was so young… yada yada. That's her theory about my obsession with sex.

We get into my apartment and she heads straight for the bathroom to change. I go to my closet and take off my wig. It feels so nice to take it off and feel the air go over my scalp. I push my hand through my hair and tousle it. Then I stand in front of my dresser mirror to remove this smudge girls love so much.

Once all the make-up is off and my hair is somewhat pointy, again I walk, more so dance, over to my stereo and turn on some real soothing sexual music. After a night at the club the last thing I want to hear are bass beats and synth noise. When I'm taking downers, snorting, or drinking at home I like to be chill and mellow. I can just relax completely (well actually most of the time I'm screaming). I can't help but look in the mirror and see something ugly, something that isn't worth a fucking chance. That's why I take drugs; it's a way to be away from myself. Forget who I am for once or just feel something worthwhile like a knife or my skin crawling. I'm not stupid enough for heroin and I'm not a raver freak looking to get hopped up on Ecstasy.

Xion put her arms around me, running them down my chest. I bring her in front of me and pull her onto my lap on the couch. She's warm and she smells like a mixture of perfume and Pineapple Captain Morgan. Sweet and tangy. She looks like a little doll in her purple matching silk bra and panties. I lick my lips and she bends down pressing her lips to mine. I close my eyes and guide my tongue against her teeth, she accepts, letting my tongue, and hers caress each other's. I move my hands up her thighs to the small of her back and then up to unclasp her bra. She helps pull it off and moves my hands to her breasts. I squeeze them and rub my thumbs over her puckered nipples. She moans and I begin to lick and suck on her neck eliciting more.

"Mmmm," she murmurs and she takes off my shirt dropping it to the floor. Next, she unbuckles my pants and unzips them. I grab both of her thighs and pull them up around my waist as I stand letting my pants drop to the floor. I stand her on her feet and she pulls me to my bed on the floor. Climbing on top of her, I take off her panties. She connects our lips and then our tongues as the sounds of the Deftones heighten our already sexual needs. I move my hand down her supple breasts and her stomach to her inner thigh, her secret pleasure spot. I begin to massage it and she lets out a deep moan. I bring my hand to between her thighs and softly rub, slowly moving farther down until I reach her clit and begin to rub it. I can feel her already wet as she chokes on her moans and starts to grind herself against my hand. I slip in a finger going slow and then faster as I slid in a second. She starts to whimper, pulls me close, and takes off my boxers. She looks down and sees my erection. She looks at me biting her lip as she playfully sucks on her fingers and grasps me. Moving to the pace of my now slow hand in her, she rubs and pulls gently up and down my shaft. I close my eyes and let out a moan. She picks up speed and then I grab her wrists against my own fighting pleasure and push them to the bed. I then let go of one hand and guide my throbbing dick into her.

She grinds and bucks against my movements against her. Her moaning is loud, but not loud enough. I know that she will never go higher with me and that's fine because I know she isn't the one. I fuck her fast like a cheap hooker but intimately like a lover. She moans loudly for the last time as she orgasms and it brings me to my point of pleasure. I pull out and release into a towel I had put out before I left. Yeah I knew we were going to have sex, we always do. It's just something we like to do with each other. We like to please each other and why not? As long as neither of us are seeing someone or have promised to not have sex with others, then it isn't a big deal. She knows her soul mate is out there waiting while I know that I will never be with mine.

We lay there for a bit and the same thing that always happens when I go to work at The White Rabbit: someone knocks on the door.

"Sora open the door." I go put on some new boxers and a large shirt, and throw Xion her pajamas. She puts them on and I go to the door and let Roxas in.

"Hey," I mutter out along with a yawn and somewhat of a buzz from the rum and the coke. We walk into the dining room/ almost the living room area.

"You," Roxas mutters and then sighs, "Hey Xion,"

"Hello Roxas." Xion whispers and smiles. Roxas looks at me miffed and I can sense an argument.

"Ugh Xi, I know your tired but you should probably go home. Roxas and I need to discuss…," I gave her the "hes going to yell at me" look," some things."

"Oh. Okay I understand." She stands and grabs her things, gives me a quick hug goodbye and waves bye to Roxas and leaves. I turn around and walk back to the kitchen to grab a bottle of aspirin. This is going to be a long night although I don't know why-

"Riku," He says blatantly reading my mind. Oh. There was the kicker and now my buzz is ruined. He builds himself up just like every time he is about to yell at me, "What is your fucking problem!"

"I don't want to talk about this." I roll my eyes and sit in my bean chair, "Especially not now. Maybe you should have called earlier and came over EARLIER." I emphasized that last earlier.

"I tried! You're the idiot who keeps going back to that dance club when I keep telling you not to! So your going to suffer the consequences of a late night. You think you had a long night? Try actually working a real job where you don't just walk your ass onto a stage to take most of your clothes off for horny old men! And then go home to Axel and then have to find out about Riku having a breakdown and then have to go meet with your dimwit brother who caused said breakdown and then go back home and then go over to Riku's house and try to comfort him and convince him not to stop calling said dimwit brother!" Roxas yelled at me and I looked at my shoes. Wow. I didn't know…

"Well," Roxas questioned, "Do you have anything to say at all?"

"I- I don't know. Maybe Riku should stop crying over me. That could probably fix it." I scoffed and went and laid on my couch. There was silence from Roxas and I grabbed a pillow for deflection.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" Roxas jumped on me and began banging my head and shoulders against the couch. I try to push him off of me and we both land on the floor wrestling.

"You're so fucking stupid!" Roxas says to me angrily.

"You're the stupid one who doesn't know when to mind their own business," I retort back and pull his hair.

"Ow! Grrr! Why do you do these things? You worry me sick ya know," He says softly and I take that as an opportunity to push him off me. I get up and lock myself in the bathroom. "I just don't get you Sora! Riku is out there waiting for you and you try to hide that you share the same feelings for him when everyone else is around. The truth is Sora, everyone knows you love him! Why can't you just admit it instead of pushing it away! Stop running away from everything!" I unlock and open the door fast.

"I'm not running away from everything!" I stare at him, my forehead creased from frowning.

"YES YOU ARE!"

"NO I'M NOT! Why can't you just leave it alone? Why are you bringing this up now after the past few times you haven't said anything about him and have just yelled at me about using!"

"It's because he is fucking here Sora! Do you not understand! He fucken moved here so he could be with you! Is that so hard to comprehend?" My head is spinning and it feels like waves are crashing from all different sides.

"Well then maybe he should go back to Radiant Garden and leave me alone! Doesn't he get that I don't want anything to do with him? This is my life now and there is nothing he can do about it. The time for fixing things has already past!" I put my hands in my hair and pulled. Gah! Fuck!

"You're the one you ran out on him after having sex with him Sora! You're the one who is being a huge bitch to him! Keep being such a baby and face all the shit you've caused. Stop using "dad raped me" as an excuse!" Roxas put his hand over his mouth. My eyes widened and my throat became dry. My face contorted and my eyes began to water.

"How dare you," I stumbled out and I began to cry, "How fucking dare you say that? I thought you were my brother. My twin brother who has my back and whom I've risked my life for. How dare you say that to me after all I have done for you, after putting my body in the way to protect you from our own father. How dare you after all the times I have given mom excuses for you for why you haven't visited her! Get out."

"Sora I didn't-" I cut him off.

"GET OUT!" I pointed to the door. I can't believe he said that. My own brother defending Riku after all the shit that has happened. Roxas grabbed his coat and before he walked out the door looked at me.

"I know what I said was wrong but I wasn't lying. You can't keep running away forever." He walked out the door and slammed it.

I walked over to my bed and collapsed into it. My throat was hot and the sobs wracked my body sending strains of pain throughout. I knew Roxas was right but there was no way my mind could handle it. I was already set on a path of self-destruction.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** I hope you enjoyed this little smutty chapter addition. I decided that I wanted to write more into the chapter and give people more info about Sora.

Please R & R! Much love!


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